cut the oxygen tanks

It wouldn't happen like a film, she wouldn't be bending over
at the machine furtherest away from me, placing each piece of bad smelling
clothing into the machine one by one. Mesmerised I would wait until I see her
finish putting in the last piece, lift her head up and flick her hair back.
Porcelain skin and the most beautiful pair of autumnal eyes I had ever seen. She
would be wearing a tight pair of faded jeans and a tight yellow college t-shirt
hugging at her taut body. Her eyes would scan across from her empty basket to me
taking off my sun glasses and then glancing down at my watch. I reach for the
pack of luckies in my pocket and pull one out and lit it in one motion. We fall
in love in the moment when I light her cigarette with my own and pass it to her.
The truth is, I would never want that.

She was the one lighting up in one motion, her hand smooth
as it slips into her pocket and she reaches for her packet of Parliaments, in
that moment I want to quit non-smoking and pass her a light, she's already
smoking. I'm in love and my washing is still in the basket reeking of the worst
things on earth. Perfection in my small little world, her lungs are caked in
filth and decay, yet we haven't spoken a single word I can
remember.

I never would remember the words we would say, that was
never important. What was important was the laundrette, I always felt that was
the perfect place where we could meet, the perfect place to see her at her most
personal and relaxed, she couldn't cast any shadows here. I stare at the wall
for a few moments hoping to see something of note but I fail miserably. She's
completely naked so I draw circles with a marker on the wall to tell everyone
I've failed. This is the moment where she sees me for all the flaws of my chain
smoking, breath smelling of alcohol and all the bandages on my wrists, my face
full green and unable to to look into the harsh light of the place, that I'm a
failure. I feel sick and I cough up a bit of blood but she's sitting next to me
enjoying a cigarette with me asking how my day was and what I would be doing
this weekend. I lied the truth is we do fall in love the moment when I light her
cigarette with my own and pass it to her.

But then I was always good at telling a lie.

musik

• Love Will Tear Us Apart- Joy Division
• Transmission- Joy Division

kino

• Resident Evil- Degeneration

vershieden

• Pardon Ms Ardon- random band, random night,
• the British girl that grabbed me and made me jump about to 'some might say'
• dim sum with A 師父
• not realising where the hours in the day slip to,
• Ewan Macgregor speaking in German.
• Meeting some more people in Germs and then going bowling with them,
• the number of colleagues now working in Germs.
• My cousin telling me to repopulate Bavaria.