dreamt of a fever

It's the snow lining the roads which throws me off every morning I wake. I can see my own breath but that's nothing special. All my life I've tried to catch the my breath steaming up in my hands, I open them up and only for the mist to disappear into the ether. No one ever told me why that happens (and for those about to lecture me about the physics of solids, liquids and gases you're missing the point).

Only been a few days and I'm getting a feel for the place, sure I've spent time in at work and in a hotel, but it's the smell of the place, the air, putting your ear to the ground and listening to the beat of peoples feet pounding the pavement. I like the fact I can walk out where I'm staying and see the Kandinsky exhibition is next to the museum for Greek and Roman sculpture. I suppose it's the feeling that I'm not going to get shanked, maybe the feeling that all the Chinese restaurants are run by Vietnamese. Whatever it is, will I call this place home? As the girl I fell in love with nearly half a decade ago said to me 'who knows?'.

sports

• Portsmouth vs Hull
• Famgusta vs Bremen

vershieden

• German roads as good as I have thought
• the snow that lasts forever, kicking it down never gets old
• watching Bremen play, football cultural exchange was never going to be this good
• finally getting home without getting lost, needing to park 5 times, find no spaces in the car park
• upstairs downstairs at work, my legs will be even bigger come xmas
• the way German's drive, actually very my kind of driving.
• German girls that eat curry, very nice
• seeing Glen Johnson's goal, lean over to shake my old bosses hand to find he was pissing about with his phone and missed the whole affair
• the fact that my dad will try and save money even if the company is paying for it
• having the courage to slowly speak (broken, basic one of the b's of this world) German

photographs on the floor

I sort of guess my way out of the airport, end up on a motorway seemingly facing Munich. For a good few miles I really don't believe I'm on the right road, the sun has set so I cant use it for reference, I'm not even even sure this road is heading south towards the city. The turning to Lindau/ Stuttgart winds to my right and I know as I continue down this road I'm going the right way.

A change of motorway which is smooth (these German roads are the best I've seen/exp in Europe) and to my right as it rises over the hill is the Allianz Arena, its red so I'm assuming the opposing team to arrive wear red (Milan would have been the easiest answer save the fact that they aren't playing a big team this week). A wrong turn after some road works confuse me and I end up in some random places, an industrial estate, past the LIDL headquarters, the roads a good but random. I even ask for directions which don't help because I don't listen to them and end up in stranger places. I spend another 20 mins trying to get back to the right road and stumble on the right direction. I have myself a mini tour of the city and its beautiful lit up by the night lights. I find the hotel but I'm on the wrong side of the road, I park in the garage about 5 times to get it just right.

I even play it safe and order the same thing for dinner as I had the last time I was here, the cute Asian waitress understands my bad German after the first beer (the courage beer I call it)

but in the end none of this matters, all that matters is that I'm here like Dizzee Rascal and it's finally sunk in.

Already missing you my beautiful eggs.

vershieden

• getting lost in the dark
• finding ones way again without really trying
• hartle fry ups before going
• realising i'm only human and letting it all out for an hour
• getting smashed and experiencing the above
• German roads- they are pretty straight forward (unlike in Holland- best roads my fucking arse)
• Phil to see me off at T5
• disappointing taxi driver, the least interesting one yet
• seeing the English countryside one last time before I see Bavarian countryside

stand up tall

For the number of cigarettes I've smoked in my life, it's like counting the days off a calender and then throwing up. No, that metaphor made no sense but then that's the way I've always seen it.

Not the cigarettes, the making sense part.

Just a post to say to everyone, I've had a smashing year, Japan was a good way to round off the last chapter and well this is the start of the next.

Love you all my beautiful eggs. See you at xmas.

I once fell in love with someone. I couldn't stop wondering if she loved me or not. I slowly began to doubt myself. Maybe the reason she didn't answer was not that her reactions were delayed but simply that she didn't love me. So at last, I got it. It's entirely beyond my control. After a while she was gone. I went to 2046 hoping to find her there. But I never found her.

The only thing left for me... was to give up.

musik

• Showtime- Dizzee Rascal
• Paper Planes- M.I.A
• Bamboo Banger- M.I.A

kino

• REC

vershieden

• scary spanish films
• not being sure if the Secretary is messing with me
• dim sum
• east side crew- get paper
• one day trips to find nice ties
• talking to Janet on the phone telling her to drink lucozade
• bumping into Leanne buying a hard drive off her and then talking dirty to her online
• downloading in general
• fixing the laptop o wonder- how I missed thee
• talking to Chantelle on the phone about her sore arse
• leaving this chapter and turning the page to the next

lust will only get us, so far now

The night before my holiday I starting scribbling a boarding pass onto a scrap of paper that was left on the side of my desk. There was no destination written down and my name was something stupid. I wetted my thumb and smudged the name a bit and then wrote over it a few more times until the pen went through the piece of paper. I pulled out some sellotape and tried to piece together the bits that fallen apart in my hands. I cradled the remains for a few moments and then gently folded it up to it would fit inside my wallet.



I was travelling half asleep all day first my father drove me to the coach stop, the coach pulled up and took me away to the airport. I tried sleeping knowing that my boarding pass could be anywhere, I arrived at the check in counter and handed the girl with the cute smile the pass. I collapse, pass out at the counter and never wake up.

Love you my beautiful eggs.

Random Commentary on Japan No. 21
Yakuza types will hang out on the street corner in Ikebukuro, never will they say more than two words to you unless your looking for action.

schwarzwiessfernsehen

• NASA- Day We Left The Earth

videospiel

• Monster Hunter Freedom 2

vershieden

• pragmatic David
• Fosterball in general, what a dude.
• Shouting dude across the work place.
• Dim Summing with ma mere
• cooking din dins for Lily, just hope she wasn't too sick

it was a mistake from the start

The slow conclusion is that the places in your heart, places you choose to remember and catch for nostalgia. Those the best places in the world, but the best thing about them is they are your places and no one-else's.
For me there are two places, both obvious to anyone that knows me well enough. Standing at the edge of the seaside and sucking in the beautiful cold sea air. My lungs full of the salty acrid freshness. I let out a deep scream from a gentle sigh. The words indistinct and incredible no one cares.
The other place is being lost in the labyrinth of the market on the slopes of Central, I crane my head to see the skyscrapers of the Victoria Harbour skyline. I keep running until my lungs explode from the arsenic pollution coating.
Feels a bit indifferent to be back, missed you my shiny happy people.

Random Commentary on Japan No. 14

The younger they are the more mental they seen to be, the older they are the quieter they seem to be (unless they are drunken salary men). Japanese school girls are the worst/ repeat offenders.

musik

• Math + English – Dizzee Rascal

podcasto

• Ricky Gervais show

kino

• Indianna Jones- The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
• 21
• Harry Potter- The Order of the Phoenix

versheiden

• the yakuza types on the street corners of Ikebukuro
  
• Goveys love for Mens Yukai
• Gundam
• the feel of Japanese moneys
• old 747 Jumbo Jets- more comfort than you could imagine
• Uniqlo for the long johns
• my new coat and matching gloves
• Roppongi madness
• the Maranouchi and Yamanote line- so much better than the DLR in London