It's good to fall back onto your favourite things, I thought about writing about a Wong Kar Wai film again, but I think I need to wait for the Blu ray version of Chungking Express to really do it justice, so I'm going to rely on another favourite which anyone who knows me will know what I'm going to talk about.
Norwegian no Mori- The novel is a nostalgic story of loss and sexuality. The story's protagonist and narrator is Toru Watanabe, who looks back on his days as a freshman university student living in Tokyo. Through Toru's reminiscences we see him develop relationships with two very different women — the beautiful yet emotionally troubled Naoko, and the outgoing, lively Midori.
After being marched into a room and told to read a short story by Murakami about the 100% perfect girl, I knew I had a subtle hankering for a bit more of him. A bit of research showed my friend and I weren't onto anyone new, but that didn't matter. In our circle of friends we were the first to sample the stories and I still think the only ones. While everyone else was read detritus like Dan Brown or some one bit shovelware novels I had no time for, I found this book on sale in the Waterstones in Fareham. If I had been romantic I would have said I pulled out the exact change from my pocket to buy it, but that would be a lie.
I started to read it and realised that it was a reflection on my life, I know people tell me never to live my life in fiction. But the words spilled out like wild fireworks colouring what God had already drawn with a fine pencil in front of my eyes.
There are no spoilers here, but I will share my favourite character, well rather the character that changed my life. Nagasawa, a guy that Toru befriends because of a common love of literature, but realises he has nothing in common with him. Nagasawa in a single word is a 'shit', a crap human being who has an amazing gf who he cheats on repeated occasions with seemingly easy Japanese girls. He plays the world like it is his, if he had only a few words in his vocabulary it would be ' fuck you'. To all intents I would hate him. But the book doesn't unfold like that, the truth is, for all the wonderful things written and all the sad things talked about. He is the only character of truth, being so two dimensional that there is no bullshit surrounding him. This is what he is and he will never change because this is what he is.
'Only losers feel sorry for themselves' those words coming out of his mouth onto the page and then into the back of my retinas. Processing them for future reference.
But that isn't the core of the story, Nagasawa is only a singular part of the book, in fact only a bit player, I can't let myself spoil it for others. But, if you were to read Murakami, this isn't the book I would recommend. If you have the time go buy/ steal/ borrow The Elephant Vanishes. Read the short story about burning barns and tell me the meaning, I will make u a strong cup of coffee and we can talk about it.
For now nite nite people.
I threw up all over her and she ran off screaming into the night. I collapsed onto the kerb at the edge of the road, the cars lined up in flashes of light, even when I closed my eyes I could feel the air rush past. My head hit the pavement with a heavy thud, a minute later I could feel the concussion searing through my spine. My body jerked again and more vomit covered the floor. Those were a few hours which I wished never to have back again, why I was in this state and how I was going to get back to where ever I was going, none of that mattered.
The sun shot across the sky and it was morning, the leaves sticking to my face the cold air rushing over me. I could still smell the sick and it filled my senses all the way into the back of my head. I picked myself up and stumbled towards a direction. Where I was going was lost night, it didn't matter today. I was only thinking of aspirin and where Lana had gone during the night.
musik
Norwegian Wood- The Beatles
Dear Catastrophe Waitress- Belle & Sebastian
Piazza, New York Catcher- Belle & Sebastian
No Life- Slipknot
Wrapped Up In Books- Belle & Sebastian
Transatlanticism- Death Cab For Cutie
The Archers Bow Has Broken- Brand New
This Years More Open Heart Break- Funeral for A Friend
Bullet in the Head- Rage Against the Machine
kino
Godfather
Godfather Part II
videospiel
Rome: Total War
sport
Portsmouth vs Tottenham Hotspurs
vershieden
making more mix CDs
talking football with the old boss
the new lunch box
anti excitement about hitting up Japan
being a snobby shite to Hartle face
having friends in the MOD
German cuisine is bringing much happiness
slippy full blast in an office full of 40 year olds and none of them hearing all the swearing
Nothing so serious tonight, just relishing in the sublime finish from the Frenchman.
One afternoon, she caught me smoking, and scolded me, saying I had been reading too much Murakami; I just nodded while stubbing the cigarette on the sole of my shoe. Again she scolded me again for ruining my shoes. Afterwards there was no awkward moment as we walked home silently, not a word said between us, she had her arm linked into mine. The sun was slowly setting and the world seemed perfect, except for the hunger brewing in my stomach. Ryoko heard my stomach rumble and grinned pointing to the noodle bar just 5 feet away from us. We stormed in and sat straight down.
I wasn’t a Japanese noodle bar, but a Thai one instead, of course or the hunger now taking over. I choose the first beef dish I saw, while Ryoko ordered something or other I never knew, she could speak Thai as well, putting my French to shame.
We began talking about the films but ended up with talking about love. I told her I would do anything for a girl, my heart so convinced of this, spilling out like all the colours of the rainbow. Ryoko paused for a moment, wondering what to make of my words. She brushed the right of hair to the side, and I could see her beautiful eyes. I would have liked to say they shimmered in the street light, but that would have been a lie, they didn't catch the light as I hoped. I rested my hand on the table and she placed hers on top of mine.
She liked soba noodles the best, but was sure they didn't serve them here.
musik
2046 Soundtrack
Title and Registration- Death Cab For Cutie
Jet Pilot- System of a Down
Prison- System of a Down
Across 110th Street- Bobby Womack
(sic)- Slipknot
Cheated Hearts- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
sport
Portsmouth vs Guimaraes
vershieden
Matt for being a good bloke and good colleague, see you in the future mate be it on this project or another one (could go either way),
the Frenchman and the Englishman combining for some beautiful football,
my manager restoring my faith
explaining what 'hum gar charn' means to people that don't speak cantonese,
I started off writing about something else, but it didn't feel right for the words to spill out on the page like wild fireworks (just to coin a phrase I wrote when I was in University). Instead I thought talking about the weather and how its nice and cold, cold enough for me to wear my lovely duffle coat I purchased from the cute Irish girl in Southampton one Sunday afternoon. She had a beautiful smile and raven hair, I couldn't say no.
But back to what I wanted to really talk about. There isn't even a word for goodbye in Chinese, you can only say 'see you again'.
Wouldn't it be better if they were the words you said before you did make the shapes in the door way and then dance off in excitement into the darkness, while everyone you know and none of them have finished their drinks.
Some people say I'm horizontal, I'm so laid back that I would fall into an ocean of time, get lost without a map, but I wouldn't notice. Being excited over something just doesn't fit the crime for me. There's a disconnect in my repertoire about jumping up and down on the sofa about going on holiday, buying something new, moving to a new place, leaving the country for a new life. To me that's expected in life (no I'm not trying to be a snobby shit when I say that). What really excites me is every so often seeing my friends and family again, be that a gap of a few months to a few years. My hair all gone or all grey (the latter is preferable), my mind a little wiser, my pockets a little deeper and hopefully a lot heavier from all the gold. I suppose that's what I'm living for, seeing everyone again just to make sure they are all doing all right. Call that selfless, but I call it selfishness, its what I want to see, to see the nieces and nephews again so I can buy them Lego.
See you again sometime, much love people.
Writing poems to fit the crime, if I was guilty of anything it wouldn't be that. Mine would be mulling over a latitude of lyrics and thinking about Amy too much. I wish I had purchased 3 boxes of Haribo for her. She picked them up, ate a few and then turned me down for the night. My heart broke into 5 pieces and so I light a cigarette.
Instead I ended up a tab fiend, smoking a packet of stolen German cigarettes into the night while staring at computer screen hoping to type a bad poem out of thin air. If there was a girl I could fall in love with right now, it sure isn't Amy.
musik
(sic)- Slipknot
Old Snake- Harry Gregson Williams
Eclipse- Thrice
Scrubs- TLC
Push It- Salt n Pepper
World At Large- Modest Mouse
Float On- Modest Mouse
Sometimes the Line Walks You- Murder By Death
New Born- Muse
Banana Co- Radiohead
That Time- Regina Spektor
kino
American Gangster- Ridley Scott
vershieden
Making mix CD's even if the people hate them
realising in Germany they only sell 17 or 24 packs of cigarettes
finding out that some of his younger cousins are just old women in disguise even in their 20's
listening to the radio while making apple crumble and beef casserole
A different tack this week, after being cut down by a colleague/friend about my sparse knowledge about certain subjects (don't worry redemption is in a pocket guide of misc facts), I thought I would share something dear to me.
In The Mood For Love/ 花樣年華 - Hurt and angry, they find comfort in their growing friendship even as they resolve not to be like their unfaithful mates.
Don't worry no spoilers on the film, but please do watch it.
My eyes were burning and I felt a little more lonely after I had seen In the Mood for Love, I paused at the end of the credits and looked around to see if I had any support from the people around me. For a sad state affairs I was alone and could only text Seth to tell him Chungking Express was no longer my favourite film of the moment. He takes a few 3 mins to reply and say 'I'm sorry for you Andrew I know how much it means to you'. Of course that never happened, but I did feel some loneliness and then some more after the film, the sun had set a long time ago, now somewhere over America making all the wake up to the news that there was a new day and we should be thankful to the lord.
The film is a slow burner like watching someone leaving their cigarette lit and not smoking it, letting the ash form into a length and then a small crescendo tapping off the ash onto the table. I love Wong Kar Wai films for his attention to the words, but I love them even more for the cinematographer Christopher Doyle he blends he colours all rouge like bad lipstick, but placed picture perfect onto the canvas. I spend a good week contemplating how much I want to take up smoking and slicking back my hair with a good pomade.
But why did the film resonate so much, I've never been married, never been cheated on, never been on a cusp of a fake affair, never had a stake driven through your heart. The truth is the third in that list, the idea of a fake affair is what runs around my small little mind because of this film. Could one live a lie, to hurt someone else. Could you fuck someone else to hurt the one you loved because her affair was more real than the shame you make up in your head, turn a few corners down some streets only to watch as she bawls her eyes out or she takes a sharp right turn to avoid you. I couldn't be sure of the outcome in my own life and the film doesn't give all the details, except that their intense folly is simply that, only a folly for ones self gratification. But hey, if everyone is being selfish, can't Cheung Man Yuk be selfish for the next hour and a half.
I close my eyes a bit happier with my epiphany knowing that a lie would make me happy for a few minutes, but keep me awake for the rest of my life knowing i hurt the one I loved, even if she never loved me in the second place.
Much love people.
Making the latest faux pas by offering cigarettes to a girlfriend, the look on her face was a priceless melt of deep and sick hatred. She said something like 'take those death sticks and go fuck yourself, but yeah I'm still free next weekend'.
I nod my head a few times and shuffle off lighting the Lucky Strike that was already in my mouth. Suffice to say I fell in love with this girl at once and we would marry each other sometime in the future. Beautiful girl with those Chinese brown eyes and a penchant for the white powder. All I can do is buy some more cigarettes in time for next Tuesday.
musik
A Subtle Dagger- Thrice
Deadbolt- Thrice
Paper Tigers- Thrice
Raw Deal- Murder By Death
The Big Sleep- Murder By Death
Shiloa- Murder By Death
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked- Ida Maria
Anyone Else But You- The Moldy Peaches
Grounds for Divorce- Elbow
I'm a Cuckoo- Belle and Sebastian
Step Into My Office- Belle and Sebastian
Cut Your Hair- Pavement
Surfacing- Slipknot
La Cienega Smiled- Ryan Adams
Call me on the Way Back Home- Ryan Adams
Sawdust and Diamonds- Joanna Newsom
Cosmia- Joanna Newsom
kino
Childs Play
videospiele
Crono Trigger
Super Mario Kart
Puyo Puyo
sport
Portsmouth vs Middlesborough
vershieden
the end of the world due to misguided media shoutings
the Spanish with their 'pragmatism'
'the boy' or 'wunderkind' here's hoping he stays on his feet
internal emails and work badges, a Hong Konger is always a Hong Konger regardless of where they live
lunch with colleagues and knowing a random selection to make it different every day
Enrique and his backhanded handshake
a new season finally beginning
realising that Hakka people will rule the world one day
It would be a lie to say I have had no aspirations, at college and school it was socialism and the banner of Marxism emblazoned on all my books and thoughts. People thought I was saying it so they would take notice of me, that wasn't true. Carrying around my copy as my own personal book of truth it drove me to carry on believing that that Marx and Engels were right. From an idea to a revolution, the attraction of throwing Molotov cocktails at the establishment was for me so strong at the peak of my feelings for moral responsibility and love for Rage Against the Machine.
Imprisoned and tortured but as long as you knew you were there to right the wrongs of the world with a banner covered in paint and handcuffing yourself to the steps of parliament, telling everyone to fuck off if they told you what to do. How this gets replaced with emptiness I do not know.
As I move into my adult days, working in an industry where we can create things for the betterment of the human race, science experiments a bit beyond the sky above us, systems to help rescue workers save lives, looking to the stars so we can break the borders of the world. In a way, my little corner of my lab is helping all of these things, the little seed of saving some of the world. But I don't really believe if the seed did help I was doing it to save the world, far from it. Communist Manifesto gives way to Norwegian Wood, Socialism giving away to Capitalism. Peak of morality giving away to the harsh skin of real life, the realisation that there is no longer any black and white.
I can't compete with others in their ambitions, I wouldn't want to. If RATM can sell out, I think I everyone in their lives are allowed to as well.
However, after what was said it would be an even bigger lie to say I have not current aspirations;- 1.ensuring the last verse I ever write is for the woman I fall in love with 2.finding both a green and red copy of Norwegian Wood 3.to keep going
The rest can wait for me in the next life if I ever get there.
Throwing yourself into the arms of a crazed blonde girl talking gibberish with a thick Eastern European accent. Rather a bunch of crazed blonde girls are throwing you into her direction. She talks some more gibberish, so I walk off in the opposite direction. No ones loss in as the cold air starts to send a shiver up my spine. I tap my 5 cigarette of the night, I prefer it to drinking 3 pints and passing out in my own sick. I never hear from the blonde girl again, in fact I haven't seen her to this day.
musik
Boy Decide- Murder by Death
Sometimes the Line Walks You- Murder by Death
Comin' Home- Murder By Death
Sawdust and Diamonds- Joanna Newsom
I will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab For Cutie
Closer- Nine Inch Nails
Fuck Tha Police- NWA
Standing in the Way of Control- Soulwax Remix
1979- Smashing Pumpkins
Jo Jos Jacket- Stepehen Malkmus
Cut Your Hair- Pavement
buch
The Dragon Syndicate- Martin Booth
videopiele
Super Mario Kart
vershieden
random nights without feeling the need to go inside Scandals
chatting to Jose and Enrique
Steve Mcqueen, what a fucking hero!
waking up on a plane and asking for a beer
luncheon with Pedro where we talk the most utter bullshit, at least we find it funny
Joanna Newsom forgetting the words
Bekah for the conversation, Samuel for the attentive looks he gives me across a room
driving on the wrong side of the road in a big car and the fact the guys trusted me to do it
Finally sitting in the place I will be working in the next few years of my life. Providing there isn't some force of nature bringing a mad rush of water to wash us all away.
Looking out of the car window you start to realise why stereotypes exisit. Bravarian countryside is beautiful, I catch a glimpse of the lake, but only a glimpse. I have plenty of time to go out to explore.
One note- German security guards, never have I met people so highly strung in my life. Get a shiatsu or something moite.
"I don’t ever think about [feminism]. I mean, it doesn't cross my mind. I certainly don’t think in terms of gender when I'm writing songs, and I never had any problems as the result of being female that I couldn't get over. Maybe I'm not thankful for the things that have gone before me, you know. But I don't see that there's any need to be aware of being a woman in this business. It just seems a waste of time."
vershieden
showers
German dubbel bier,
turning up late in a hotel and being caught out by the totem pole of light
